Miscarriage: The Dark Brings Appreciation for the Light

Nine years ago yesterday we found out that I miscarried our baby. She was our first. She was our hope. She was our only girl.

After the ultrasound, I could barely get dressed. It was like my legs had nothing in them; Noodles one might say. In his own fog, my husband helped me to dress, gather information from the nurse on our next steps, a D & C, and she ushered us out the back door so we wouldn’t have to see all the glowing pregnant women in the waiting room. I remember thinking I was one of those women, pregnant and full of so much joy.

My heart never felt the same. Miscarriage is not just the loss of your little one. It’s the death of a dream; the promise of a baby, the memories that you formed in your head about the family you wanted to create.

For those of you who miscarry at or around the holidays, keep something in mind.

There isn’t a year that passes that I don’t think about my two babies that I miscarried, my girl the day before Thanksgiving in 2003 and my boy on Christmas Day 2007 in the emergency room. Those memories are vivid, like no time has passed. The darkness stayed with me for quite some time…but eventually the light streamed back, promising more happiness, but most of all, more life.

My mother, who passed away in 1998, use to always tell me, “You have to have the dark to appreciate the light.” I use to sing song that saying in a sarcastic way when she would tell me that, as I thought she was crazy for simplifying it that much. Honestly, it is so true.

Take the time to grieve, to sulk, to ache, then slowly crack the door open and let the light warm your heart and soul again…happiness is around the corner…look around you…life is happening.

xo Kristin

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Miscarriage and the Holiday Season: Sadness and Gratitude

I wanted to get this blog out prior to Thanksgiving; however, just like everyone else, I sometimes can’t get everything done in a day.  : )

As I have mentioned in past blogs, I suffered two miscarriages and both unfortunately happened during the holiday season. My first in 2003 was over Thanksgiving weekend and my second in 2007 was in the emergency room on Christmas day. Some of you may have the same thing happen this season and wonder how to balance your sadness with the season threaded with being thankful and joyous.

First, give yourself permission to feel sad. It is so necessary in the healing process to truly experience your emotions during this time of loss. Your loss is not only of the baby that you so wanted, but also of the dream this baby brought to you and your partner and family (if you already have a child or children). Speak often to your partner and then to a family member(s) and/or friend(s) that will be great listeners.

Take the time to determine and communicate your needs to your loved ones… tell those how grateful you are for them, but that it is just a sad time for you and your partner. Think about what would be helpful to you… perhaps missing a big family dinner and only coming for the dessert, maybe asking someone to shop for the children on your gift list, determine what would be helpful to you ~ then communicate, communicate, communicate.

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