Miscarriage: The Dark Brings Appreciation for the Light

Nine years ago yesterday we found out that I miscarried our baby. She was our first. She was our hope. She was our only girl.

After the ultrasound, I could barely get dressed. It was like my legs had nothing in them; Noodles one might say. In his own fog, my husband helped me to dress, gather information from the nurse on our next steps, a D & C, and she ushered us out the back door so we wouldn’t have to see all the glowing pregnant women in the waiting room. I remember thinking I was one of those women, pregnant and full of so much joy.

My heart never felt the same. Miscarriage is not just the loss of your little one. It’s the death of a dream; the promise of a baby, the memories that you formed in your head about the family you wanted to create.

For those of you who miscarry at or around the holidays, keep something in mind.

There isn’t a year that passes that I don’t think about my two babies that I miscarried, my girl the day before Thanksgiving in 2003 and my boy on Christmas Day 2007 in the emergency room. Those memories are vivid, like no time has passed. The darkness stayed with me for quite some time…but eventually the light streamed back, promising more happiness, but most of all, more life.

My mother, who passed away in 1998, use to always tell me, “You have to have the dark to appreciate the light.” I use to sing song that saying in a sarcastic way when she would tell me that, as I thought she was crazy for simplifying it that much. Honestly, it is so true.

Take the time to grieve, to sulk, to ache, then slowly crack the door open and let the light warm your heart and soul again…happiness is around the corner…look around you…life is happening.

xo Kristin

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10 Things to Never Say to a Miscarriage Survivor

I know, you’re going to read this and say, “People don’t really say these things.” After experiencing two miscarriages, I can tell you that numbers 1, 2, 4, 7, 8 and 10 were said to me. Know how to support someone, sometimes just being there and listening is best. There are also those simple things like bringing over a meal, going for a walk and hanging out with someone can be the best medicine. Whenever something like this happens, people tend to scatter because they don’t want to say the wrong thing and feel uncomfortable dealing with someone’s pain. Everyone grieves in their own way and timetable. Be loving, be present…be a friend. xo, Kristin

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Miscarriage: Create Balance and a Baby

Guest Blog Appearance by Christine Keller, L.Ac., Dipl.O.M.

To become pregnant is a wonderful experience, but to have it suddenly taken away is traumatic.  Having a miscarriage can be both physically and emotionally draining, and when it comes to having recurrent miscarriages, the body becomes both physically and emotionally exhausted.

In Chinese medicine the body functions as a whole and is as interconnected with our emotional health as the dirt is to the earth.  You cannot separate the two as both are one.  The body and mind need time to heal.  The emotional distress that comes from such an experience is very traumatic.  In Chinese medicine, emotions can greatly impact the physical body.  Without the proper time to heal, physical symptoms may start to manifest. Some examples of symptoms include: lowered energy, headaches or migraines, hormonal imbalances, gynecological changes such as heavier and painful periods, or the lack of periods, depression, anxiety, lung issues, insomnia, heart palpitations, weight gain or loss, digestive changes and early aging just to name a few.  These may sound like “normal” things that are dealt with day-to-day, but the root can be the emotional stagnation that originated from the physical stress of miscarriage.  Eventually these “normal” things become bigger problems.  If body and mind are given the space to heal, these symptoms may be avoided.  If one were to try again before properly rebuilding as a whole, high-risk pregnancies, recurrent miscarriage, or the ability to conceive may be at risk. Continue reading

Miscarriage and the Holiday Season: Sadness and Gratitude

I wanted to get this blog out prior to Thanksgiving; however, just like everyone else, I sometimes can’t get everything done in a day.  : )

As I have mentioned in past blogs, I suffered two miscarriages and both unfortunately happened during the holiday season. My first in 2003 was over Thanksgiving weekend and my second in 2007 was in the emergency room on Christmas day. Some of you may have the same thing happen this season and wonder how to balance your sadness with the season threaded with being thankful and joyous.

First, give yourself permission to feel sad. It is so necessary in the healing process to truly experience your emotions during this time of loss. Your loss is not only of the baby that you so wanted, but also of the dream this baby brought to you and your partner and family (if you already have a child or children). Speak often to your partner and then to a family member(s) and/or friend(s) that will be great listeners.

Take the time to determine and communicate your needs to your loved ones… tell those how grateful you are for them, but that it is just a sad time for you and your partner. Think about what would be helpful to you… perhaps missing a big family dinner and only coming for the dessert, maybe asking someone to shop for the children on your gift list, determine what would be helpful to you ~ then communicate, communicate, communicate.

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Miscarriage and Self-Care

It is so hard to lose a baby. Recently, I have learned of a couple of women that have lost a baby after the first trimester. My heart has been so heavy thinking about these women and their loss. I can’t imagine the sadness after thinking that you were through the cautious time of the first 12 weeks, and in addition to that, feeling baby movement. It was difficult enough to lose my babies within the first trimester.

Whether you have lost a baby in the first 12 weeks, or later, it is certain that your loss is a heavy one.  You not only lost your beloved baby, but the dream that this baby brought to you and you and your partner.  Continue reading